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Within my soul beats the heart of my eternity.
Memories within a mind not forsaken
nor to ever be forgotten.
 
Long kisses
held close
to the soul of us.
 
In love
and in sadness
still brings light.
 
That is my fate
that is my wish
that the beauty of this moment
will forever be.
Is not passion
part of being human
part of the eternal of all of us?
 
Burn on
those ancient memories of love
never lost
but remembered
in the heat of the mind
felt in the heart
living in the soul.
 
Let me live
knowing that once
or many times
was I truly loved.
Beyond all of this
to where there is a place
special to only us.
 
A place that my hand never feels alone.
My breast never aches for your touch.
My loins never feel the cold of night.
 
In that love that binds us
forever held in each other’s arms.
Through this time
forever in our one love
beyond end
forever to be always
you and me.
Sometimes it pays to look back on our lives.
In so doing
we can then take time
to count our blessings.
 
Today after a run to our local post office
I decided to detour to my old home within
a few miles of my completed task.
 
The house is now an old frame
which was terribly run down.
It was built in the early 1900’s.
 
I remember the day well
moving into that house
that I freshly painted
as a newly married young man
of twenty-eight.
  
With my new bride came three step-children
ages six, eight and going on ten; two boys and a girl.
I had no previous experience as a Father.
 
My new wife was a secretary for a local construction company.
I had just started as a salesman  for a local Ford dealership in town.
My average paycheck in 1970 was under four hundred a month.
 
The house was just off College street in McKinney, Texas.
We financed $6,5oo on the purchase of that home.
Five people in a three small bedroom room home
with the grand total
of one bathroom.
 
Since those days and our divorce almost fourteen years latter
shortly after the graduation of my step-daughter from Baylor College
with a Master’s degree in Music
much water has passed
under that olde’ bridge.
 
Today, that step-daughter is dead
killed by a hit and run driver.
The oldest boy I never did hear from again
after his graduation from North Texas.
 
I recently came across his picture on the net.
It seemed from the picture he had lost most of his good looks.
Age 50 is now facing him after living a loser’s life. 
Rumor has it that his wife divorced him
within a few years of their marriage.
 
As to the youngest one
who today should be in his mid forties
perhaps is currently in Huntsville prison.
He is gay and is kept from other prisoners
seems he is HIV positive.
 
Today as a senior
I now look at my bride of almost twenty years
grow more beautiful in my eyes each day.
 
I count each day
the many blessings that have come to me
since those days
almost forty years ago.
 
I am reminded today
in a bill that came in the mail today
a monthly bill to keep the lawn
at my second home on the lake
is more than the commissions I drew
as a car salesman back in those days.
 
God is great.
My blessings are beyond every dream 
I have ever held.
 
Thank you Lord
for this day
and the life you have rendered me
A life that came to me
after I finally gave my life to you
almost thirty years ago.  
 
My mind still does not accept they are gone from this world.
I find myself many a time reaching for a phone
to call them.
 
It is a select group
these souls that were a part of my life.
Some are friends
that cannot ever be replaced
in the deep meaning of their unselfish love of me.
 
Others were my parents
who I never really knew as people.
There was the apple of my eye,
my step-daughter of many years.
Truly the only daughter
I ever knew in my life.
 
There were others
that I would have liked to have known better
they are now gone
without any notice from my life.
 
At times I find them in my thoughts
mind speaking with them about different things
reaching and seeking unresponsive council  from now
an unfamilar place in my heart.
 
I know they are not really gone
they are just in a different place than me
a place that beckons me as my own death comes closer each day.
 
You see I never have gotten comfortable with Death.
So my dear friends
my dearest of loved ones
make a place for me.
 
A place where again
we can laugh and love
and talk about
all that is around us
each day of the eternity before us.
 
Sometimes a tear comes to my eye.
At first, I know not why.
Then it comes
the links of the past.
 
Moments of tenderness
of love
that seen imprinted
forever in my soul.
 
It has not been with so much as one
but many
in the links together
in a chain of life.
 
Some moments were of extreme sadness
some joy beyond belief
some with the surprise of a child
in discovering something.
 
A light ignited within me
that before, was not there.
It was just a moment
a look into the eyes of another
that said that these few seconds
were very special.
A touch unlike no other.
 
The tear is for the longing of such moments
and time spend
in just loving another
in those special ways
that will never go away.
 
There is a happy place in my mind.
A place of loving memories.
A place where I have experienced love from another.
It is a place that belongs to no other.
It cannot be taken from me.
 
The joyful light that fills that room
cannot be clicked off by anyone.
It was a more gentle time in my life.
A time when another made me feel special.
Their words were kind
their touch was with love.
 
It is the place I am
when you ask me,
“what are you thinking?”
You see
in this place there is no meanest
no words of hurt upon my soul
no seeming lack of thought.
 
You created this special place for me.
It was built word by word by you.
Words of discouragement.
Words of anger.
Words of bitterness.
Finally you reached a point
that you completedly ripped out my heart.
 
In this place
I again
find my heart.
A heart that now remembers
what it was like
to be truly loved
by another.
 

The question that comes to our minds

is one that asks of the why of our existence.

Many would lead us to believe in only their way to understand.

Each of us are as individual as each star that burns in the heavens.

Each made in His image to sing as a choir of His Love and Praises.

 

The paths to finding ourselves in knowing His Love are many.

Do not be discouraged by the selfish ends of many

or those who make fun and light of your way of praising the Lord.

The Lord’s knowledge of His Love did not end with the Bible

or any other works that come before you.

Continue on your path of discovery

without discouragement.

 

Continue to write your poems of your love of the Lord.

Continue to sing the songs of your love that are created by His inspiration.

For His Love is everlasting and never-ending in its song and words.

Remember you are never alone in sharing your praises of Love with Him.

 

He will be there long after all those who attempted to hurt you

and discourage you

are long gone from this earth

as well as the heavenly place

He has waiting for you.  

There are times
that reaching back in our memories
is the only way we can attempt
to rediscover happiness in our present lives.
 
As hard as we try
those memories remain swirling mists
from the times of our fleeing youth
never felt again
nor tasted.
 
We cry out in an agony of painful want
but find no release.
Could this place in our lives
be but a preview
of an unending terrible hell?
 
We are only left with an undisclosed  fear
that possibly a heaven does not exist,
but is a creation of imagination
out of our own fears. 
 
“Is this all there is?” we whisper
in a silent room in our minds.
Only by our prayers
to our Lord
prior to our earthly deaths
will we find joys beyond the ones
we have experienced in this world.
 
We will find glorious happiness in another world
by the promises of His Word.
Upon that moment
let what was my blinded eyes
in the temporary joys of this world
be opended again
to the eternal glory of His Name.
 
 

It was a very special moment

It was morning as I opened my sleepy eyes.

Your arms encircled my body.

You held me tight

your nose snuggled in the curve of my back.

It was a very special time in my life.

Knowing that one is truly loved

what greater blessing can we ask of life?

 
 

To all it seemed all was well with the Pastor.

Within his heart he knew the mask he worn was false

for his heart was false in his represented Love of Jesus.

He had known this for a very long time.

His Father was a preacher and he carried the burden 

of a preacher’s son.

He knew deep within his own soul

he was not worthy of walking in the sandals of Jesus.

He knew of many he had hurt with the evil that lurked

in his own heart.

Yet he always felt too important to admit his wrongs.

He noticed it this morning upon awakening. 

His hands were trembling.

As the day passed on

the trembling became worse.

He now knew that his trembling hands

would never again

be able to hold

upon his death

the keys to heaven.